Change :)

What did the conservative passenger tell the liberal taxi-driver?
Keep the change

But if we started dating….

Written by Kimberly Pruitt (The  Onion)

I really like you. I do. You’re so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don’t really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don’t you think?

I knew you would understand. You always do.

We’re so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn’t want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once-would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I’ve got going here.

It’s just…you’re like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you’ve spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.

No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don’t have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.

Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I’d call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn’t answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don’t even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.

Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I’ve known you so long, you’re more like a brother that I’ve drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It’d be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you’d come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I’ve had a bad day at work, you’d be looking at me like, “I’ve seen her breasts.” God, I can’t think of anything more awkward that that.

Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.

Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I’d be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don’t see how much it crushes you. Let’s never lose that. That’s what makes us us.

Don’t worry. You’re so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You’ll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I’ll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won’t believe it when you say we’re just friends. But when she dumps you, that’s just what we’ll be.

Best friends. Friends forever.

Time after time

An unofficial study(read random talk with wingies) in IIT on what people do in their free time suggested that most guys, if not all, date their hand more often when faced with a lot of free time, either naturally(vacations) or enforced(midsems & endsems )

In fact, this can be a helpful criteria to define how much useful work you’re doing at any point of time. The more often you enjoy the company of either hand, the more “lukhha” you are, and the lesser you do it the busier you are.

I’m sure Freud would be happy to hear that when there is nothing to think of, this one thought still lingers in our mind… even for the ‘cream of the nation’! Long live the id!!

Random fatta: For us IITians, the ID is important (IITian discounts, security at gate etc.), and so is the id (as is obvious from the post above)!!

Lead India!

Sion Station: I went to buy a rail ticket. Seeing the enormous queue, I decided to buy a smartcard, since that requires no line – and I’ve been told they have machines at all stations.

As expected, as soon as I stood right next to the first person in the line, there were screams and shouts of  “Line kyon kaat rahe ho?” “Peeche ja” etc. On telling them that I wanted to buy a smartcard, they kept their mouth shut, albeit with that same disgusting look on their faces. What did I ever do to them??

I give the employee at the counter the requisite fees, and he goes about doing his stuff. After a good 2 minutes, when he couldn’t get me a card, restless commuters started shouting at the him to hurry it up, and simultaneously cursed me. I asked them why they are shouting at me when firstly I have the right to not go in the line and ask for a smartcard & secondly the employee is screwing up, not me.

On which an old grumpy man started complaining that smartcard and coupons should come in the same queue. The others in the line, noticing the obvious advantage to them, almost immediately agreed. My reasoning that these two were introduced so that their consumers needn’t wait in line fell on deaf ears.

A single complaint aroused the whole crowd to concur without thought or discussion. This is how, I thought, our politicians mislead others, and create a public uproar. Everyone just follows the leader, and those who don’t are ostracized, criticised or made to wait in line.

Wine & meats… ahh, bliss

Recently, I was treated at Trattoria (Taj President). The ambience was awesome, and so was the crowd

I got to try out various meats that I had hitherto not tried, including lobster and scallop (I didn’t even know what scallop was until the waiter told me ).

That’s one down on my 09 list!

Southpark Season premiere!

On my birthday! Woohoo!!!

Edit 1(14/5/09): Season 13 is turning out to be one of the best SP seasons ever!! Yay!

The outcome of capitalism

Capitalism at its best!!

Coll fests are about competitions

After yrs of attending college fests – i have realised that you have maximum fun in the competitions, as opposed to the informals they have. More importantly, you meet a lot of people with similar interests in those competitions as well, and also have something to talk about.

Malhar and a few other fests still keep that as the main focus. However, I see MoodI going away from that direction.

Bollywud

Ref: this article

In the times before moral policing became a buzz (in our behinds), we witnessed a very popular phenomenon in Bollywood. Karishma became Karisma, Ritesh Deshmukh is now Riteish Deshmukh, and fickle-minded Sonu Nigam changed to Sonu Niigam, and then to Sonu Niigaam. I, on the other hand, always thought that people amongst the aggregate were wannabes.

Ofcourse, they claim good fortune to be the driving motivation for them. IMHO, they probably meant fame and fortune . What better way to be the cynosure of media eyes, without recourse to Rakhi Sawant-esque escapades, than to innovate with your names spelling? Plus, its the coolest thing, to be different. No one in the world is called Hannsikaa, so that makes you special, right? That will surely improve your chances in the film industry! (I leave that to the readers discretion)

Fortunately, however, the K-syndrome hasn’t affected these celebs. Imagine the possible headlines…

“Klara Dutta and Kamitabh in the koolest flick in town!”

Web 2.0 is here to stay! Yay???

(After a conversation with Jew-bin)

The Internet has, no doubt, made things much easier for us. And with Web 2.0 applications, things just got a lot more interactive. But there’s one outcome we have clearly overlooked – its the web 2.0 addicts, or webbie(short for web wannabe).

Do you have a friend who blogs about the downfall of Journalspace or the most recent MacWorld meet, and you’re left confounded as to what on earth he’s talking about? Does he/she… no, wait – Does he keep updating his status on Facebook every 10 minutes?? Does he flip out his (GPRS-enabled) phone in the middle of nowhere to post something online??? Then you, my friend, know a web addict. Let me mention some of my experiences.

A friend of mine once came to hostel to download episodes of Lost, Friends etc. He opens his bag and flips out 2 PC hard drives with a connecting cable to a laptop! I was like whoa.. that’s jugaad! On realising that it would take much longer than expected, he decides to leave one HDD, but couldn’t choose which one because one was too full, and the other one had Windows XP and linux and Mac OS X on it! I didn’t bother to ask why.

So anyway, his friend looks around the room while the download is going on and notices a spot that looks like dried crow shit. Almost naturally, he takes out his (GPRS-enabled) IPhone, takes a photo and uploads it on Twitter!

In the near future, one might see status’ being updated by webbies (via their GPRS-enabled future phones…. no wait – 3G phones!) almost instinctively – like this

09:00 Aditya is having tea
09:03 Aditya has finished tea
09:04 Aditya is wondering what to do

And of course, the next bollywood webbie would release the one movie all webbie’s have been waiting for! – “Blog on!” (note to self: blog about it!)

PS: I know this post sounds too web 2.0ish. But you have to describe them in webbie jargon! In fact, I’ve mentioned stuff in the html which I’m sure webbie’s can access